Thinking back to nine months ago, it is amazing how my view of my pregnancy has changed. It all started on Friday morning, March 26th. At first, there are 3 emotions that come to mind upon realizing that there is a tiny little life forming inside me. First, there is shock (ARE THERE REALY TWO PINK LINES???) The shock was enough that I made my husband stop his run on the treadmill and run to CVS to get me a digital test that would clearly state PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. This was not a time for uncertainty. While he was gone I experienced emotion number two, fear. Oh my gosh, if I am pregnant there is something GROWING inside me, and then if I am not pregnant, I am going to be heartbroken, and will feel empty. Upon George's return with the highly advanced (read: expensive) digital test, I began to feel the third emotion, excitement. I knew what the test would read. I just KNEW. Yet, I made George look at the results and tell me. When he said "We're pregnant", I had to look at the test to make sure. Sorry honey....just had to see it!! We hugged and I cried, and then got ready for work. Man, was I a bundle of nerves! Intelligence told me to keep this a secret, after our miscarriage a few months before, but if you know me you know that is impossible. I am an open book, or as George says, I am an audio book with no stop or pause button! People at work seemed to know instantly so of course we had to share with family as soon as possible.
Fast forward 9 months to today. I am 36 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and although I have a huge range of emotions, I can narrow down to the top three weighing on my mind. First, there is no more shock. I mean really, I can FEEL Julianna everyday and the world can see that I am preggers. Although some still brazenly ask, "Are you pregnant?" Often I want to say, " No, why, does this outfit make me look fat?" But apparently I am too nice for all that. So the emotion I feel now is anticipation. On one hand, I can't wait for her to be here. I want to meet her, see her, hold her. On the other hand, life is about to change in a big way, and until she is here I won't be able to fully know how big those changes are going to be. Secondly, I still share the fear that I had that first day, but in a different way. Hmmm.....the baby is coming out of where???? Scary to think about, although millions of women have done it. Fear also rears it's ugly head with thoughts like "Will I be a good mom? Can I do this?" And oh yeah, I am doing this all natural without drugs. I need one of those shirts that says "No Fear" or "Fear Not". Do you think that would help? I think not.... And the third emotion is simply: JOY. Joy that God brought George and I together, allowed us to spend our lives together, and that we have been blessed with a new life that is equal parts he and I. I can't wait to be a mommy!
Mix in the feeling of looking like a whale, the waddle when I walk, being uncomfortable in any position be it sitting, standing, or lying down, the fatigue, the swollen ankles, the mood swings, and of course the cravings for various foods, and guess what? I wouldn't trade it for anything (except maybe an early delivery, but I don't get to make that choice!!).
So the countdown is now:
27 days!!! Please pray for Julianna's safe arrival, mommy's easy and safe labor and delivery, and daddy's patience with mommy!