Monday, February 28, 2011

The things I've learned...

Ok....first things first. I realize now that I never should have named our blog "The Gallamore Weekly", but rather "The Gallamore Monthly", or better yet, "The Gallamore When I Have Time Blog".  Having a baby changes the number of things that one can accomplish in a 24 hour period. Many times I have written a new blog post in my head and prepared to sit down and type it out, only to be sidetracked by a waking baby, a dirty diaper, a growling stomach (mine and hers), or the most delicious laugh you've ever heard. I mean, really, who wouldn't want to cuddle and see those smiles and hear the laughs of their daughter versus typing on a computer? So, although my princess will undoubtedly wake before I finish this, I thought I would begin this latest update into the Gallamore world.

My sweetie pie is 3 months old! Can you believe it? Over the last three months I have witnessed some of the most miraculous, wonderful, and exciting changes in this tiny little person. Julianna now smiles, laughs and coos quite a bit. I really think she has something to say and is trying her best to get it out. And she is so happy about it! Other than the major issues in any baby's life (i.e. dirty diaper, hungry, tired), she rarely cries and is just generally happy. She wakes up happy and it just makes my morning. For a while she was sleeping 8-9 hours at night, but now she only sleeps 5-6. Still not too bad. She weighs approx. 11 lbs 3 oz. Still tiny, but growing and thriving. She can still fit into some of her newborn clothes but is slowly transitioning into size 0-3. We have so many cute clothes for her, but many of them still swallow her!  She has discovered her hands and it is so cool to watch her try to figure out what they are for. I can't wait till she discovers her little feet. She can at times roll from her back onto her side. She holds her head up well and we are now doing daily tummy time to get her ready to crawl in a few months. We have a pretty good routine down and I have learned, for the most part, what she needs and what her cries mean as well as how to soothe her. Being a mommy is an education all its own, with the main lessons being "hands on"...I think by the time she is 18 I should have earned another master's degree...if not my Ph.D!

However, next week things are going to change. I must start back to work and just the thought of it breaks my heart. Last week I spent an entire day and a half crying, and not wanting to put her down, or let anyone else hold her. We spent half a day with her sitter, and although she is great, it hurt my heart to watch someone else care for her. That's my job, and I am not really interested in sharing it, except with George. Reality bites. Bills suck. Truth hurts. I know I have to go back. I have kids at school who need me, but I can't help feeling like she needs me more. I never thought it would be like this. I always thought I would want to work. I mean, after all I spent 4 1/2 years in college and 3 1/2 years in grad school. Why would I give that up? Why? Because holding her I feel is where I belong. Where everything I do actually makes a difference that will make an impact for a lifetime. It is where I have wanted to be my whole life and now I have to share her with someone else for 9 hours a day. I sleep 6-7 hours a day, and she sleeps more. How much time will I actually get with her? Will she miss me? Will she think I want to be away from her? Am I crazy???????

I have spent the last three years helping moms and kindergartners separate on the first day of school. I have told parents to leave as their child cries and screams and I have all but pushed them out the door with tears steaming down their face. I always called them a few hours later to let them know their child is ok.  I thought that would never be me, but once again God is teaching me humility. Next August I will be more empathetic towards the parents who are so strongly leaving their crying 5 year old behind, trusting me and the teachers with their child's safety, well- being, and education. Still, I wonder, next Monday am I going to be able to actually walk away, leave her at the sitters, and go to work. Realistically I have  no choice. Emotionally, well....I will fill you in on how it goes. Prayers will be much appreciated.....

Thanks for sharing in lives. Checkout facebook for the latest pics of Julianna. Leave a comment below if you'd like, or click to become a follower. See you next time on The Gallamore Weekly!

1 comment:

  1. Sweet Tressie,
    this post made me tear up a little because I understand this struggle. I had the same feelings after having Jack (six and half years ago) It was so hard, I completely understand what your going through.
    I will be praying for you honey. call me if you need to talk (or cry)
    Love you!